Tips for Managing: High Tension/High Conflict Drop-Offs & Pick Ups
When there is tension in the co-parenting relationship, exchanges are ripe for conflict that can occur directly in front of the children. Below are a few tips to help with smooth transitions:
- Send a summary update email ahead of drop-off to avoid discussion during transitions.
- Utilize the BIFF method: Brief, Informative, Friendly, and Firm.
- Utilize technology such as apps close to assist with communication and coordination.
- If the other co-parent is insistent on engaging in discussions that will trigger conflict, acknowledge the parent’s concerns, and commit to responding via email. It is essential to walk away so that you cannot be drawn back into the discussion.
- Keep hello and goodbye with children short to prevent/reduce anxiety.
- Keep duplicate clothes, etc., in both homes, so there aren’t a lot of items to trade off at each transition.
- Always wish the children a positive visit, so they feel confident in making the transition
- If conflict seems unavoidable, stay in the car or have a caretaker or family member pick up or drop off the kids instead.
- Most importantly, lead by example
Your kids are watching everything you do and internalizing your interactions with their other parents. How you model conflict resolution are tools they will employ in their life. Contact us to learn more about transition protocols in your parenting plan.
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