In a perfect world, all parents would adhere to the standard of not abusing children. Yet, we live in imperfect times, and hundreds of thousands of cases annually in the US are riddled with a parent abusing their child. While separation is the smart first step, protecting your child from an ex who has a pattern of abuse against you and/or your child is now the next challenge.

 

Court Protective Orders State laws vary, but including your child in a court protective order that protects you and them from the abuser is a wise first step. Many states are rigid regarding the evidence you’ll need to put forth to prove the potential risk. Others are more lenient, but the orders are generally for a shorter period. Learn more about the Arizona process here.

 

Your family and close friends should all know the risk, and it is also advisable to inform your child’s school, pediatricians, childcare providers, and even close neighbors. The more people know, the more protected you’ll be. The role of mandatory reporters is critical to documenting the issues and getting intervention. Learn more here. 

 

Safety plans involve mapping out escape routes from places where an abusive ex could confront you and your child. These are normally your home, place of work and school. Identify the key people who could help you in an emergency.  Learn more about safety planning here. 

 

All communication with an abusive ex should be in writing. If something occurs, keep a journal and email someone you trust so the incident retains a “time stamp.” Be Quick to React Reach out to emergency services immediately. No matter how minor the incident, it is important to involve the police or medical providers as soon as possible. When you make reports, document the report number, officer name, and officer badge number where available. Finances Matter If the abuser is controlling the finances, try purchasing gift cards in low amounts when grocery shopping to build an escape cushion. Reach out to the Department of Child Services There is a stigma around DCS, but DCS has tools and resources to assist families during these transitions. Learn more about DCS here.

 

Seek out people who can provide extra support when needed-anything from childcare or providing a safe space in an emergency. Create a New Notion of a Family One reason a parent gets back together with their abusive ex is to preserve the idea of a family for the child. Family should not mean abuse.  Learn more here.