A divorce can be extremely challenging for any child. Yet, not all divorces need to be drag-down battles with chaotic results. In fact, when two adults agree to place the welfare of their son or daughter above their differences a divorce can be a positive thing on the well-being of the children.
Before reviewing some of the positives, there are concrete actions parents can take to mitigate
their child’s suffering during a divorce.
1. Avoid Secrets
This is a fine line. As a parent, the last thing you want to do is involve your children in the intricacies of the divorce. However, it is important to inform your child or children of the intent to divorce, the general reasons behind the divorce, and be clear that they are not the reason.
2. Stay Involved
When both parents remain involved in the lives of their children the kids perform better academically. Special events such as birthdays are also times to celebrate together. In the best of cases, this occurs amicably with both parents present. Aligned with staying involved is also reminding your kids that your decisions should not affect their views on marriage and later decisions in life. Not all marriages end in divorce.
3. Healthy Routines
Kids crave structure. They might tell you they don’t, but they secretly do. Despite a physically fractured family unit, structure and healthy routines are still important.
Sleeping, bathing, and eating times should remain constant, and make it a point to cuddle and spend quality time with your children. Normalcy in life is important during their formative years.
4. Avoid Forbiding Meetings
It is certainly tempting to exert control over an ex. This is especially true if the marriage was rife with difficulties. One of the most common ways this is accomplished is by forbidding an ex from seeing their child or children. This might “feel good” in the short term but it denies the child access to both parents and a “normal childhood.” Your child has every right (except when a court deems otherwise) to have access to their parent.
Now, if a divorce is amicably executed, some concrete positives can occur.
1. Happy Parents/Happy Kids
When parents are not constantly quarreling with each other in front of their children, this is a net positive for everyone. The last thing any child wants to see is the two people they love the most fighting with each other. A house free of bickering is a win for kids.
2. Potential Less Addiction
For teenagers especially, drugs and alcohol are an attractive alternative to dealing with fighting at home. Once the situation is calmer, the potential to seek out harmful coping habits is lessened.
3. Quality Time
While having two loving parents in the home is ideal, when a divorce occurs both parents understand they will now be sharing (to some extent) their child or children. As a result, research shows that quality time actually increases because of this.
4. Better Grades
Again, once the bickering subsides research also demonstrates that a divorce can help to improve a child’s grades. In line with quality time, separated parents will also tend to study more with their children when it is their turn to spend time with them. Divorce is never the intended outcome of any marriage. But when managed appropriately, children do not need to suffer.
