Domestic abuse can generate multiple casualties. The person being directly abused is of principal concern, but in many family situations, it is also the children that suffer from having witnessed the abuse.
According to the study, “Estimating the Number of American Children Living in Partner-Violent Families (Journal of Family Psychology, 2006), 15 million plus children reside in homes where domestic violence has occurred at least once. In “Domestic Violence and Children (American Counseling Association, 2005), the authors found that a boy who witnesses his mother being abused is 10 times more likely to abuse a future female partner. In the same vein, a girl that sees her mother being abused is 6 times as likely to be abused by the same perpetrator than a girl who grows up in a home with no abuse.
The US Department of Health & Human Services’ OASH Office on Women’s Health recently released some invaluable information on how abuse in the home affects children of different age ranges.
Preschool
It is especially tragic when a cohort this young is exposed to domestic abuse. Some common manifestations when preschool-age children are witnesses to abuse is increased crying and whining, bed-wetting, and thumb-sucking. While many of these actions are frequent in preschool children in general, any of them in excess might be a sign that there are stressful triggers in the home.
As preschool children grow older into kindergarten, difficulty falling and/or remaining asleep, hiding or stuttering, and displaying signs of separation anxiety are also common.
School-Age (7 – 12)
At this point, we see a particularly distressing reaction of children blaming themselves for the abuse. Some school-age children will assume it is their fault the abuse is taking place and this obviously has a direct toll on their self-esteem. Falling grades, a lack of participation in school, troublemaking, and the loss of friends are signs. Stomachaches and headaches are also more frequent.
Teens
Teens will exhibit similar behavior as school-age children but some will seek to self-medicate. Alcohol, drugs, and even unprotected, risky sex are common behaviors for teens who live in close proximity to domestic abuse. Teen boys, especially, might engage in bullying activity and girls are more likely to be withdrawn coupled with bouts of depression.
How Does Recovery Work?
Children respond differently to trauma and abuse. Some are more resilient, but a healthy recovery tends to rely on three factors:
- Quality of friendships;
- Self-Esteem;
- A support system of trusted adults.
If you are a parent, guardian, or close family friend of a child who has lived through an abusive home environment, there are some actions you can take:
- Communicate what healthy relationships look and sound like;
- Teach them boundaries, especially with figures of authority like coaches, teachers, or family members – their body is their body, and nobody has the right to violate their space;
- Strengthen their support system, letting them know people love and care about them;
- Assist in contracting professional help – counseling at an early age can teach kids valuable coping mechanisms.
Children will never forget what they’ve witnessed, but proactive measures by trusted adults can help children adopt healthy ways to handle their memories and emotions as they age.
