The “first right of refusal” is an optional clause in parenting plans. When one parent has the children and needs someone to watch them, the other parent has the first right to refuse the request. For example, a father has two kids during the week and takes a short vacation with his buddies. He could call his parents to watch the kids, but with a first right of refusal provision, he must first contact the children’s mother and give her the option to look after them while he is gone. 

 

There are several ways parents can navigate the first right of refusal. The blanket right of refusal is the most intrusive but sometimes necessary. Under this regimen, both parents must communicate personal whereabouts, social and work plans, departure and arrival times, and even dating activities to plan for potential emergencies related to the children. If this sounds unruly, it is. 

 

A more common first right of refusal surrounds the implementation of thresholds. Typically calculated in hours, if a parent is with their children and needs to leave the children for a certain amount of time – 1, 2, 3, or 5 hours – thresholds are pre-agreed upon with both parties that would warrant a first right of refusal. If a parent runs to the market for milk for 30 minutes and leaves the children with his or her mother, that is typically not included in most threshold agreements. Yet, what if the absence is for 3, 4, or 6 hours? Abrupt or Planned Absences In an ideal world, all absences would be planned. But sometimes, we experience abrupt absences where calling on the other parent can be difficult. The most common example is medical emergencies.

 

Many first rights of refusal clauses stipulate the differences between the two and provide flexibility accordingly. Having abrupt and planned absences must be defined clearly.  Third-party Caregiver Exceptions and Extended Care Following the same logic as abrupt or planned absences, many agreements allow third-party caregivers (grandparents, uncles, aunts, significant others, etc.) to step in when needed. Extended care is when either parent anticipates being unavailable for care down the line and can call upon a grandparent, babysitter, etc., only if the other parent declines to provide care. Having that piece of communication documented is vital in this case.